Friday, July 30, 2010 @ 10:44 AM
Mengapa kini, semua berubah?
Even if things don't go your way, just make believe that everything's gonna be okay. Even if it takes to pretend to be strong, at least.. we're making other people happy. Because, what makes my problem more important than theirs. After all, we're selfish human beings. I would rather prefer to keep things to myself.So.. I'm okay :) Weekends, please be nice. I'm already spending my Friday at work. Don't make it any worst.
Thanks.
-edited-
And yes, thanks a lot to baby yesterday who sent me that text message. Though I fell asleep because I was too tired and drained physically and emotionally, I woke up feeling a lot better after reading that text :) I'll have faith okay baby? Things will get better, things will get better, I believe and I sure have faith that things will definitely get better. I love you boncet.
Also, I'm really touched to have an awesome brother like Louis. He immediately called me up, and wasted his phone bill for a good 10 minutes just to console and check on me. I know I'm at an advantage 'cos I don't have to pay for overseas calls, but I feel bad cos he has to pay. Anyway, bro, please come back to SG really soon. Ditch Aussie, and come back. Me and Jave miss you. See your bestfriend misses you, so come back!! But really, thanks bro, I really appreciate it much :')
Enaa bestfriend, thanks for texting/tegur-ing me online to check if I'm okay. Sorry I didn't reply you because I was asleep already. I'll meet you tomorrow and give you a bigbigbighug, and sorry I can't meet you today because I've work.
Thursday, July 29, 2010 @ 9:18 PM
Hi Friday, I'm spending you at work.
Mis-uh-reh-ble much??
Sorry Sharul, sorry Enaa.
Saturday okay?
:)
White lines, and grey skies.
Sometimes,
if you wanna lie..
can you come up with a more reasonable excuse?
I'm not as "intellectually-challenged" as you.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010 @ 11:41 AM
Past, Now
I'm looking at old photos right now.
Damn, so much things happened the end of last year and the starting of this year. I thank God, things have changed. Though I missed those times where there were lesser things to worry, and I was more carefree, there's no looking back because we can only look forward to the future. In the midst of that period, I've lost friends but I've also gained friends. The ones who left were the ones who turned their back on me, and the ones who came in were the ones who opened my eyes to realize that people whom you can trust are the ones who stayed. All things happen for a reason, but now, we're not absolute of the reasons because it's still our time to explore and try to make sense out of things. Things will be better, things will be worst. I won't be able to foresee the future, but I believe everything will definitely be alright.
-edited-
I should quit smoking.
I should quit smoking.
I should quit drinking.
I should quit drinking.
I can't take the fact then when I'm really stressed, I can finish up a pack in a day. And it seems I can finish a pack in less than 3 days. This.is.so.fucking.bad. I don't wanna die early.
Monday, July 26, 2010 @ 4:31 PM
Joke of the day.
Apparently, this question actually from someone who have talked to me behind the screens before. And I've used all the 3 laughing abbreviations on that person before. But put aside that, my response is true. So, if I use lol, better be careful because it's not something very pleasant. Can't wait to meet my friends for dinner at Seoul Garden. Have a great day everyone!
For every friend we have, there's always that childish side of us.
At the end of the day,
we'll know who are the ones who decided to stay.
These are my friends.
1 bestfriend, 3 brothers.
:)
Sunday, July 25, 2010 @ 6:21 AM
:(
Sakit hati.
Saturday, July 24, 2010 @ 12:10 AM
Five months.
Though today is marks a day that is really insignificant to others, it is a day that have changed my life. I'll never get tired wishing you "Happy ____ days of knowing you!" because knowing you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Though, that day when we knew each other as friends, even if nothing happened between us (let's say we never end up being together), I'll still be there for you as friend and a companion. You're probably the only one who could see through my worries and fears. You know, I suck at lying. I can never lie to you because you'll just see me through, like how you see pornography films (okay wtf, idk why i typed that but it was the best thing that could ever describe your interest in). Thanks for being there for me as a friend, and subsequently, my boyfriend. I swear, it was not easy because everything's changing, and we can't possibly stop these changes, because what's life without it's changes and things start to get bleak and meaningless. No matter what happens, you have my word, I'll be there for you. Cliche much, but that's just a mere fact. I love you Farhan Hashim.
Friday, July 23, 2010 @ 10:08 AM
Behind that face, is just another face.
Backing away from the problem of pain you never had home.
You've been misguided, you're hiding in shadows for so very long.
Don't you believe that you've been deceived?
The hair in your eyes, it never disguised what you're thinking of.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010 @ 11:24 AM
The near future.
Eradicate those bullshtis from the lies we used to believe.
Immunize ourselves from this polluted mess.
Inflicted by our own imaginations, we're just monsters.
Monday, July 19, 2010 @ 9:57 AM
We decide.
It is conceded that we get the most out of everything when we enjoy doing what we like. Not for anything else, but passion. Even if times get rough, your passion will never grow old.
Sunday, July 18, 2010 @ 9:18 AM
Activated stress-mode
I'm so goddamned fucking pissed like no-motherfucking-body. I couldn't even run the bloody software 'cos my fucking desktop decided to classify it as an unsafe file. Submission line is tomorrow, and I have yet to do any single line of code. Fucking laptop, why your fucking lcd screen suddenly decide to fail on me. Knn, 3 fucking weeks. How like that sia. Wah puahhhcheebyes, I really don't know what to do sia. I really can pull out all my hair right now. Fucking piece of goddamned shit. I was crying to sleep yesterday cos I was fucking frustrated on how the fuck am I gonna do my assignments sia. Fucking desktop not helping. Seriously sia, this morning I woke up and kicked the fucking CPU. God, it felt so fucking good. I wish I could throw it out too. Fuck you piece of shit good for nothing computer.
>:(
Thursday, July 15, 2010 @ 11:55 PM
Three weeks.
Hi, I would not be updating my blog as regularly as before because I've sent my pathetic laptop to the service centre. I'll only be getting back my laptop in 3 weeks time because my laptop is in need of an LCD replacement. I wouldn't be whining right now if it wasn't for my school which is highly dependent on laptops. I have to submit my assignment in 2 weeks time and I've yet to start. Well, I tried doing it on my desktop(which takes about a thousand years to load, ok I exaggerated) and it keeps crashing the whole system. Things are not going through my way recently, but it's okay. I'm still good n' kicking. There's more to life than just this anyway. But life's been bleak yet okay. Nothing much been happening recently prolly only loving my boyfriend more and seeing my friends and working more diligently. It's already 16th July, and we're halfway through the year already. Oh oh, and it's confirmed I'm heading back to Philippines at the end of the year. I just hope it's not during my birthday because they're organising a chalet. :')
Okay, I'm pretty lazy already. Goodnight and live your life to the fullest. AND, believe.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010 @ 1:04 AM
200th post
I took an hour reading all my posts from the very beginning Louis bro created this blog to me. And I still have yet to thank him enough for making this blog space set available for me to cyber-express my angst/sorrows/complaints. But also, it's also a place where I share my joy with everyone. (the everyone can refer to only me because i believe no one else reads this space except for ... i dont know which creature.. but yea, other than that no one gives a fuck about my life) All these 200 posts were tragically written by yours truly, and I swear I can't stop cursing at how immatured I am. Out of these 200 posts, only a handful are really happy ones because I've no where to vent my anger, only here. Prolly my only solace. However, I really feel like deleting everything because I want to start afresh. I'm at the brink of giving everything up, but not so soon. I'll just make my move if time wasn't in jeopardy. I must be a joke to everyone for broadcasting how annoying/irritating and self-contradictory person I am. I can't see what's good about myself because I feel I'm not good enough for anyone. My bf, friends, family.. whoever else. But sometimes I come to realise that I've done so much but recieved nothing in return. I choose to shut up because in life, nothing's fair. What you give, is always not what you get. I'm really tired of facing through these changes because every individual is different. I really can't keep up with these changes, it's a little to much for me. I don't understand a lot of things, but honestly, do anyone give a single fuck about me? No. So, now the cache is,
Should I live up with these changes, or just give up because if everything's gonna change eventually, subsequently.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010 @ 12:13 AM
Monday
Tired,sick,drained.
All I need is a break.
The world's revolving too fast.
I can't catch up.
Or maybe, I'll just lag behing, right here.
Because I've got nothing else to lose, only myself.
Monday, July 12, 2010 @ 12:27 PM
Downside up.
I'm sure there's something more than just this.
I hope.
Solace
Have I done not enough?
Or am I just not good enough.
Sunday, July 11, 2010 @ 1:17 AM
Farhan
I miss waking up to overdued text messages and spam-calling you to wake you up in the morning. Thank God you're gonna be back tomorrow night, I hope you're all safe and boncet.
I'm too tired to do a proper update, I'll do so tomorrow. I'll be working at 2pm tomorrow, hopefully my colleague is able to cover me from 6-Closing if not, I'm unable to meet the girls tomorrow for the Reverie Food Fest thingy at ECP. Goodnight.
Saturday, July 10, 2010 @ 11:40 AM
Actually now, the more I feel like giving up.
Friday, July 9, 2010 @ 10:56 PM
Believe
I always tell myself to believe whenever I feel like giving up. We don't live our lives for anyone else, only ourselves. When life starts to become bleak, and life starts to show signs of malignancy, that's when you start to give up. Then, you start to realize that we're all hallucinated by our own stupidity. No one said that life was ever gonna be easy, no one said that life was ever gonna be too difficult too. Even if no one's there to appreciate your existence, you will be acknowledged for your own beliefs. I feel like giving up already, but it's all too early. And that's why, I start to believe.
Thursday, July 8, 2010 @ 7:10 PM
Different
I feel like a complete piece of shit right now.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010 @ 2:24 PM
This mind is set to think, these fingers are set to kill.
I sometimes wonder why the fuck am I doing a course that I don't really have interest in? Now, I've already proven that we don't chase dreams anymore, in reality, it's about survival.
I wanted was to be a journalist. It'll never happen. Dreams are dreams.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010 @ 1:53 PM
Dreams are not reality.
Oh, these fantastic dreams I'll never see.
Seize the chance, and we won't set ourselves free.
Hallucinated by the reigns we hold.
Let's just stop ourselves from having dreams.
A Lovely Monday
Nothing can ever compare to the amount of quality time you get to spend with your loved ones. This particular loved one I'm mentioning is my boyfriend♥! We spent our 2nd month yesterday after school. We watched ...
We went to Shaw House to watch it. Overall, the movie is really a good one. While watching the movie, I faced "mood-swings" because I was like.. "Awww so sweet" then later "Why so fucking bastard sia?" then later "CB *holding tears because touched like fuckzxc* then later "Awwwwww, I wanna be in the movie now". Though it did portrayed some negative side of "romance" because apparently the girl cheated on her. Sooo, thumbs down to that, but still... good movie.
We smuggled in sushi/chicken wing/curry puff and had a pack of nachos with yummy cheese (which apparantly bby finished eating it). Me and bby had a hard time deciding where to eat (though I was the one who had to make the decision pffft), and we decided to head to Ben & Jerry's 'cos both of us weren't that hungry. We had our Waffle Bowl with Strawberry Cheesecake ice-cream and Chocolate ... something. I can't recall hahaha.
Then after our yummy dessert, we headed to the expressswayyy and spent our time there before bby sent me back home though he was all tired! Sorry bby that you had to send me off despite you being soooo drained. Thank you love. I enjoyed my Monday. How was your Monday? :)
Sunday, July 4, 2010 @ 11:55 PM
2nd Monthsary!
Happy 2nd month bby! :)♥
You've been the awesomest boyfriend ever. Today marks the official day we got together for 2 months, and gotten over the 2 months of dating period. So technically, we're "together" for 4 months. Hehe. I love you so much, and I can't wait to hug/smack/kiss/kick you later in school. Sayang kamu Farhan. (I know I damn violent, but everyone has their ways of showing their love , hehe joking!)
Okay and now, on a serious note..
Really, thank you Farhan for being the one who is always there for me. Be it, physically or not, because just a thought of you would make everything else pause in place. I believe you're the only guy who can tolerate me and not be annoyed/irritated with my constant whining, complains, nagging, lame jokes and most importantly my attitude. I'm sure you enjoyed these pass few months, and I'm sure we're gonna enjoy it even more in the long run. I love you boncet, always. I'll never forget what happened on 5th March. "One week changes everything." I honestly miss you so damn much, and I can't wait to hug you and wish you personally later. I love you.
One day before the big two!
It's gonna be a long day for me tomorrow, so I guess I shall head to sleep at 2am. I got bored and did a few minimal changes to my blog, and I'm more or less satisfied with it. And, I still can't get over the fact that I spent my Saturday at home. It's indeed a Sad-urday for me. I managed to console myself and used the remaining of my savings on cigarettes.
3 days to payday, 2 days to school(again), 1 day to two months with bby♥ .
Goodnight earthlings :)
Saturday, July 3, 2010 @ 1:19 PM
Somehow, somewhat not a good Saturday.
I'll be giving Ignite/Diversity a miss today because I'll be spending my whole evening at work. I'm feeling extremely unmotivated and still feeling the flip from last night.
Damn.
Friday, July 2, 2010 @ 11:23 PM
Hello weekends.
My Friday is not relatively futile because nothing interested happened today, making exceptions of facing happy customers that made me happy too :) I came to school looking as though I was gonna attend a wedding/funeral because I had this pretty flower on my head which I bought yesterday. Seems like my classmates were quite distracted with it. I was distracted myself because it covered 1/3 of my vision on my right eye which is equivalent to long & irritating fringes.
Paid close attention during class, while surfing on Youtube feasting on my own entertainment with talented musicians that never fail to make me have shivers down my spine, and let the video play on repeat. After school, met Enaa bestfriend, Areep adik and Intan lesbo. They accompanied me to have my lunch at KFC which was where I was raging in angst because the customer who was infront of me kept amending her orders. It totally seemed like she was having a massive brain lag that caused me to be furious because I was a goddamnd hungry girl. After a grueling 10 minutes, I finally got to order and then I was happy again.
Went to work feeling all.. drained and unmotivated. Till, I chanced upon friendly customers which made my working-time more pleasant and amiable. Clocked out at 10.30pm and I was having a hard - time deciding if I should have supper since I felt so loser-ated knowing that I'm gonna be home early on a Friday. But, I made up my mind and lay on my bed and did my RJ diligently and now aimlessly writing non-sensible paraphrases that make sense to only me, and not to whoever who reads this.
Right now, I'm just trying to make sense out of things. In life, nothing is ever fair. Whether you like it or not, life's not that easy. It's Day 3 without allowance, and many more days to come. I'm trying my best not to spend savings because this is just the beginning of being independent. If you can't help to make situations any better, you should just help yourself. & that's what I'm doing.
:)
Anyway, I decided that I shall not use FB for awhile.
If you have to reach me, do it so on Twitter or MSN.
:)How's my new blogskin?
But I'm not satisfied still. Maybe shall edit it in class.
It's 5.55am, I only had two hours of sleep.
I'm so proud of myself, not.
Thursday, July 1, 2010 @ 4:28 PM
OI WTF, HAHAHAHA.
WHY MY BLOGSKIN LIKE SHIT.
-.-
Maybe I shallllll customize my blogskin ltrz.
AND FUCK MAN.
PARKWAY DRIVE'S NEW ALBUM IS THE SEX.
REALLY GOOD STUFF (Y)(Y)(Y)!!