Monday, November 29, 2010 @ 12:53 AM
Sumpah boleh jadi gila if I read it over and over again. There are reasons why I hate being in bed at night, because of my distraught thoughts and itchy fingers. Sorry, I still can't face reality like real man. I think I'm a girl afterall, fml. (ok wtf, i just laughed at that sentence for no apparent reason, see I told you i was nuts.)
Anyway, I really don't know if I should delete it. But at least it'll prevent me from reading it.At the same time, I'm apprehensive with that decision because it's the most memorable "physical" memory that I actually am left with. This is fucking my mind so bad. Dear (useless)blog see you in a week.
Sunday, November 28, 2010 @ 10:01 PM
Allay the seaaaaa
Monday - School, meetup with bestfriends after a long time, assignment
Tuesday - School, meetup with bestfriends again, assignment
Wednesday - School, SPH, essay
Thursday - School, essay
Friday - Formal meeting at SPH
Saturday / Sunday - Tido sampai mampos, jamming, recording
This is my week schedule.
1 week to pay, 2 weeks to birthday, 3 weeks to christmas, 4 weeks to new year.
Saturday, November 27, 2010 @ 12:24 PM
I can still vividly remember what happened 9 months ago.
Those words that lingered about my ears, was always the source of my solace. Those comforting word that always reassured me from time to time.
What should I do? Should I just let it go, or just remain optimistic about it?
I'm losing faith in myself. What more about everything else? The anguish, the sadness, the angst is still in my veins.
Monday, November 22, 2010 @ 12:20 AM
When the ends meet.
I can't put my faith in uncertainty.
While there's still no proof of validity amongst the old familiar pages,
which to me are nothing more than fucking words.
I've been sick, lazy, tired, busy with a lot of things lately.
Someone should give me motivation this week to complete school.
I'm drained after doing my essay, and it fucked my mind so badly.
Anyway, I can't wait for my next payday. 2 weeks & 1 day to go. YAY.
I wanna dye my hair (yes again) one shade lighter and probably cut my hair.
JUST JK, I'mma keep my hair long, I miss my hair.
Anyway, just to share with you something..
Yup, this is my bestfriend, and I miss her so fucking much. I know you can't read this but I miss you a lot, I've got like a million things to tell you, but I couldn't tell you last Saturday. Hehe, I so sweet right? I'll see you soon this week and hopefully things get better at your side. Love you bestfriend, for life.
Saturday, November 20, 2010 @ 12:51 PM
I still cringe everytime I recall what we used to do together.
This has to fucking stop because it's eating my insides.
Thursday, November 18, 2010 @ 1:15 AM
Hi, I got the job. I've a 1000 word essay on Hero. Wish me luck.
Oh and I sound like a fucking transvestite now.
I'm staying away from ciggs for now. Bye!
Monday, November 15, 2010 @ 11:38 PM
Ghetto baby.
I should not be careless. I should not be careless. I should not be careless. I should not be careless. I should not be careless. I should not be careless. I should not be careless. I should not be careless.
Can't believe I left my wallet out on the shoe rack THE WHOLE NIGHT, and thank God it didn't get stolen. Also, I learnt a few lessons over the weekend.
1) Not to mix beer and alcohol
2) Never play the slapping game when you're senget because my left hand is still bruised.
3) Never play the slapping game with your rings on.
3) Enjoy what you've got and appreciate what you have, because there's a million other things that keeps my world revolving.
4) Never stay up late to talk cock & cry knowing that there's school the next day.
I'm almost done with my assignment, and I hope SPH calls me back this week regarding last Friday's interview. Anyway, time to concentrate in class. Penat gile.
I still miss you like a whole lot & loved you like how I loved you the very first time. But things change, but.. I'll try not to change a single thing. Sigh.
Sunday, November 14, 2010 @ 3:25 AM
I had one of the best weekends ever.
Gig, shisha, timbre.. most importantly, FRIENDS.
Thursday, November 11, 2010 @ 12:46 AM
I swear to god, I'm sick of pretending already.
I'm not be hypocritical against myself anymore.
From now onwards, I'll be straightforward.
So, I'm gonna fuck off for now.
Bye.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010 @ 12:00 AM
I'm so proud of myself.
I can play Blackout on bass already.
So intensive practice for 1 hour everyday helps.
Phew.
And thanks to Andy's longboard,
it makes me feel like skating again.
So, Andy, can you kindly pass me my skateboard back?
Thank you didi.
HAHA.
Oh, and I'm so unmotivated to go to school.
Ah but fuck ah, I have to go in order to prove myself wrong.
In this world of hate, you can't escape with people judging
you in every way. But, you can always fuck the rest, and
just do our fucking best. Besides, how long are you
gonna prove yourself wrong to others? Because with every one
person you please, 5 people are unhappy. Sometimes, I think
I was sedated so I can't feel anything. Too much angst inside of me.
Meh. I'm so uninspired and unmotivated. I just feel like sleeping.
I shall sleep for days. Bye.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010 @ 1:12 AM
You're always the reminder to my thoughts.
It just makes me happy to see our photo everywhere I go.
Sunday, November 7, 2010 @ 3:32 AM
that's where my heart lies
Fruitful Saturday. Let's do a time frame summary.
8am: Work meeting
10am: Breakfast at McDonalds w colleagues
11am: Sleep at home
2pm: Lepak with Reez and Asyraf bodohs
5.30pm: Orchard with usuals
8pm: Gig fail (cos of rain) at Cineleisure
9.30pm: Shisha at Bugis
11pm: 960 to Woodlands
12am: Supper at Al-Ameen w Enaa, Sharul, Aly, Joe, Aiman, Areep
1am: Lepak under void deck talking cock + depression mode
2.30am: Cab back home w Enaa and Sharul
3.36am: Mood dampened, but still motivated.
A'ah yah that's how my Saturday went. It's 3 fucking am, and I've got work later. I officially have no life already. Even though masih sedih, tapi.. I'm taking things positively. Can't wait for this week though.
Tuesday: Starbucks date w usuals at Woodlands
Wednesday: Jamming (like finally after 3 weeks)
Friday: Gig
Saturday: Recording + TIMBREEEEE BODOH.
I can't fucking wait till school holidays. I'm gonna go on a holiday from all this twisted tales and plots that have been mindfucking me ever since god knows when. Isappppppp.
Saturday, November 6, 2010 @ 3:43 AM
supposedly.
Friday, November 5, 2010 @ 1:11 AM
Butter flies fly.
How time flies.
It's six months of us, and six months later for my life to change drastically. 1 month+ to my birthday, which means 1 month+ for me to accomplish something major, but I think I already did. I hope next week goes well because I'll be a step closer to achieving my dreams, and prepare for the future to give myself and family a better life.
I've lost track of time, it's freaking me out. My head is filled with so many thoughts.. which is fucking scary because I can vividly remember exactly what happened last year in November. Goddamit.
-edited-
And I swear to God, I'm fucking pissed at myself because it's fucking 3am and I've work in a few hours time AND I CANT FUCKING SLEEP. I'm pissed because of everything. But wait actually, I'm more upset rather than angry. I don't like the fact that there's so many things that have changed and I hate the fact that people and everything else changes. What should I do? To stay or just go? I slapped myself too hard that I have a fucking patch on my cheek.
WHEN WILL BE THE FUCKING TIME SOMEONE WAKES ME UP AND TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'VE LOST EVERYTHING? WHY THE FUCK DO I EVEN BOTHER? WHY WHY WHY. IM SO FUCKING ANGRY AND UPSET. WHY THE FUCK AM I SO SUAY. WHY THE FUCK I GO ITCHY FINGERS? WHY THE FUCK DO I MISS THIS CERTAIN POINT OF TIME? WHY THE FUCK AM I STUPID? WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THIS. WHY THE FUCK AM I IN THIS SITUATION. I SWEAR TO GOD IM AT THE FUCKING BRINK OF KILLING MYSELF. not. -.- FUCK AH BUT SERIOUSLY WHY?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010 @ 2:04 AM
Positivity.
Things are becoming a wreck one by one, to the extent that I can't find any words to describe what I'm feeling. 1st November 2010, definitely not a good start of the month. I'm not looking forward to anything else, I've lost all my motivation. My motivation to work, study, and achieve my dreams because I feel really lost. Hearing two news that's unpleasant is not doing justice to my mind. But I'm trying my best to slowly get back up on my feet though it's gonna be fucking hard. I'm giving school a miss this week because I'm not in the state to study. I'll be back on track when I'm physically and emotionally stable next week (hopefully). I'm fine, maybe this is just part of the phase that God has given me. Although I'm filled with mixed feelings and I can't fully express myself, my private blog has always been the best place to try to express myself. Meanwhile, I'll just this place to rot because no one reads this anyway. I'm sorry for all the unpleasant posts but everythings' getting rough. I don't know what to do, but there will be a way, I hope.
I'll always love you, boncet.